You awake early one morning, well before 4 in the afternoon, to discover that once again... STILL, you are a 20 something worthless sack of shit scrounging out a living in your mother’s basement; doing a menial service job that pays the interest on your student loans for the degree you pursued in Archaeological Philosophical Engineering. As your first step of this glorious new day is taken into a rotten hot pocket you left on the floor from the night before, something strikes you. Perhaps your life isn't all you were promised it would be. After all, you did grow up in a world where all the televised cartoons encouraged you to just be yourself and pursue your dreams; the whole world was your oyster! What they didn't tell you was that the pearl harboured therein would cost you more than you could ever hope to make for the remainder of your sorry days on this planet pursuing naught but your own selfish desires. Realizing that a certain amount of financial stability was necessary to ever have a hope of procreating your silly little genes and adding a scrap of purpose to your worthless, accent hovering above a useful vowel existence, you determine that today you will decide upon a concrete plan of action that will propel you out of this shit smelling basement, and up into the sky! Right after you wash your mouldy pizza pocket feet.

If you choose to become a cockroach farmer, turn to page Blabbitty Bee.

If you choose to undergo a disturbing amount of soul destroying reconstructive surgery to make yourself more closely resemble a Vespa Crabro (European Hornet) turn to page FUCK YOU ARE STUPID!

If you choose to become a professional wrestler by inventing a totally amazing alternate ego and joining a local amateur circuit, turn to page YOU FUCKING ROCK!

If you decide that dealing drugs is the only realistic way of paying off your student loans turn to page JOIN THE HELLS ANGELS AND BECOME A POLICE OFFICER.