Let us first examine our closest relatives: the order primate. If a current human science person wants to examine what his or her genetic ancestors were like, the best and most likely source of information are our closest cousins in the primate family. And yes, of course, as a university educated intellectual Umlauter, you know that we did not descend directly from any ape currently residing on the Earth, but rather had a common ancestor many moons back. Still, their societal organization can tell us much about how we may have evolved millions of years ago. But how can you utilize this important information? Think.... think.... THINK! How could you possibly sucker in an intergalactic scientist thing to be interested in your rear... OF COURSE! BABOONS! It's perfect! Those wonderfully red inflamed hind ends, who could possibly resist or miss a cue like that? Anthropologists must bang the shit out of those ape asses! You race upstairs and barge into your mother's bedroom. On her vanity dresser you find the deepest shade of red lipstick available and liberally plaster it across the vast surface of your mostly immobile buttocks in an unmistakable bulls eye. Even from orbit an alien couldn't possibly miss this! You barrel out the back door and drop your pants, bending over, hands on the grass and ass waving seductively in the air, bright red and glorious, you await your mystical cosmic surprise!
