Merrily, merrily you trot along. Whistling an inane song, loving the life that you now own in a legally nebulous new character. "Maybe I should change the spelling at least... Dora? Doorah? DOOR-UH!!!! That's it!" You immediately, retroactively alter all the spellings of Door-Uh to avoid any pending legal action against yourself. Things are clear as you sail safely underneath the frightening suspension bridge. "I guess it's mostly only scary when you are actually walking on that swingy wobbly thing eh? Not too scary underneath!" You speak some gibberish that you pretend is Spanish, and then settle home to bed, where you sleep in your newly christened costume. The week passes quickly as you fall deeper and deeper into your new persona. Your subconscious mind permanently fuses with that of Door-Uh The Explorah Lawyah, your mother rolls her eyes and tries to remind you that Door-Uh is the most inanely annoying thing since Polkaroo. You worry not about the slander of the close-minded. You will save the universe with your phony international cheer!
The day of the fight you race into the ring with your back-pack raised high on your shoulders; back straight, pride beaming from your face. You hum asininely to some made up song in your head and hop into the ring. In front of you stands Amazonia, the leapord-skin print wearing behemoth of a scraggly haired woman. Her muscles bulge, but your mind fails to process their power, you are too concerned with your connection to the audience around you. You twirl your explorer moustache as you face the crowd, "Ok! Hi people! Can you all say 'deposition' with me!" The boos begin fast and strong. You tarry on, more false-chipper than ever, "Everybody here, did you know that even with a pre-nuptual agreement, your matrimonial home is STILL owned half in half by your spouse even if they've only lived there for one day and you bought the whole thing before you even met them? Isn't that just SUPER!"
Amazonia appears to have had enough at this point as she pounces upon you, fists flailing, digging deep into your ribs and guts. Blood sputters from your face as you attempt to strangle her with Back-Pack, but your abilities are desperately incapacitated, and your strength non-existent. Amazonia lifts you above her head to the massive roar of the crowd as she tosses you out of the ring and into the audience. You land hard on the concrete and stare up at the person seated above you. A middle aged man with an oddly familiar face in a hat which states, plainly, 'SCIENCE!' tears up visibly through his beaming smile.
"You've made me so happy...... fuck kids shows you know.... fuck them right up the bloody arse...." Amazonia reaches in and yanks you away from the blissed out gentleman. She tosses you back into the ring and mounts the top ropes. The cheers are endless. She may win this match, but those cheers are yours. You enraged the crowd so expertly that your ultimate demise as she comes down upon you with a real elbow, is in fact a stunning victory for heels everywhere. No blows are feigned here as there is no time to train professionally and safely in the NOW..... your guts turn to mush. It's okay, you heeled the shit out of that crowd, and that has made all the difference.