“The forest path! The Forest path!” you hear a booming voice emanating out of the clouds, reverberating with the force of a million children screaming at the instrument of their eternal brain damage.
“Oooooo KAY!” you shout gleefully as you tear off skipping into the deep dark woods. Dorah the Explorah Lawyah is at one with nature, at one with the universe. Your bliss transcends the reality of the situation as a tree root snags your right foot and you pivot, falling face first into the muck. A fox slides up out of the brush behind you, and with a quick snap of the jaws swipes your back pack and darts off, back into the woods. You implore the voice in the sky to proclaim as loudly as possible in an act of moral shaming not logically relevant to the mind of a fox to scream out “Fuck face no swiping!” but unfortunately, all you can hear are endless cheers as you spit the muck from your mouth, and the fox flees with your mom’s will and the deed to her house. You see no point in continuing on, apparently the universe hates you.