"Why are you using a scarecrow anyways! They don't even work and look godawful ugly!"
"I KNOW MOTHER!!!!" You scream, "This isn't about that! It's a tribute!"
"To what, your own worthlessness?"
"NO, TO A BIG FAT FUCKING BITCH!"
"Now that's no way to speak to your mother! Or do you want to discuss that unpleasantness with MY garden again?"
"No Mother please! I don't want to go through that again... I'm sorry mother.....I'm sorry!"
"Good, now prove you're sorry and go out and buy me a new fur coat. It's so chilly propped up here on this rake."
"Goddamnit you know I can't afford ANOTHER fur coat for you!"

And on and on..... I hope you are pleased with yourself!