This sucker has some serious latent issues which he has likely never openly dealt with. You know if you could sucker him out into the light, his red neck worshipers would toss him under the rug as quickly as you could say, “my level of comfort has been challenged.”
Up like a cat you leap, butt displayed proudly in the air. Your religious hair extensions sway seductively like a swooning tail. Any moment now he will pounce, and out himself to the vile masses. Any minute now.... you feel hands around your waist. Arms grab tightly around your mid-section, and SOACPWHNHTHD leans into your ear. “Dude, I've had better, nice try though.” He expertly flips you onto your back and pounds you into a fully legal pin. As the ref slams his hand down three times, SOACPWHNHTHD proclaims, “That trick might work on some super sweet future alien incarnation of our eventual species' evolution though.” DAMN!