Now; it is obvious, the key to success in the harrowing world of the Professional Kayfabe Wrestler is COMPLETE AND UTTER COMMITMENT TO CHARACTER. No holds barred. You have to BE your character from now on. You might be allowed to give an emotional speech at your eventual daughter's first wedding, (only the first one mind you, that's a freebie) out of character, all weepy and thankful to the heavens with a gob of fear splattered on top: but until then, you must never, ever allow a glimmer of reality to pierce the sacred vow you hold in your chest to the Northern Ontario Wrestling league. The great I AM.... Bobby-Jayne the Butt-Lore! If you could be abducted, now that, man, for real, that could cement the imaginary reality of your character in ways NO scheming investigative journalist could ever take from you. No one can prove you aren't the giant BJ, no way! But how can you attract an inter-galactic anal spelunker to dive into the dirty depths of your own private cavity? What is it that these vastly advanced species see in humanity? Perhaps the theories of Pan-spermia are true, and that DNA really is the sole base building block of life scattered across the galaxy, taking seed in every nook and cranny of dirt that can possibly sustain it. If so; then it seems likely that their interest in humanity is one of an investigation into their own primal evolutionary path.
On the other hand: it's equally possible that life on other systems takes an infinite variety of unrelated forms and origins. Perhaps the bio-chemical reactions which created some of the inter-stellar species who cruise our solar space rays are in fact vastly unrecognizable forms of life who probe the fecal free-way as a means of discovering the unknown mysteries of our alien genetic makeup. Deciding which form of life you wish to attract will require completely separate strategies as you doll yourself up for the celestial home-coming dance.