You shove the little shit aside with an impressive aplomb. You aren’t scared of these bums. You’re pretty sure they don’t even pay taxes to live in their parent’s basements. Not like you, responsible you, paying the cable bill every month. Fuck them! It’s on! You race towards the largest wolf in the pack and kick him square in the face. Little fucker can’t even grow facial hair. “ALPHA MALE!” You yell as you pounce on top of him. Unfortunately; the modern education system has beaten all the survival of the fittest, and rightful base instinct out of their pack minds as they choose to defend their alpha, instead of accepting a new, and more powerful leader. Tossed children’s bicycles litter your skull. How can this be? Where did society go wrong? How are these little shits supposed to survive and make a living selling dope? Who are they going to intimidate acting together and standing as one against someone who is clearly their superior? “Damn,” you think to yourself. “I wish I could grow more facial hair, this could have turned out much differently.”

If you choose to use your superior reality bending mental powers to go back in time and attempt to grow a more impressive facial hair display of intimidation turn to page GOOD LUCK BRO!

If you choose to simply lie down and accept your pathetic fate turn to page WHAT DO YOU HAVE TO LOSE, THIS IS FICTION RIGHT?

If you choose to instead confront reality head on and fight back with all the mustard you have in your undergraduate heart turn to page ALPHA DELTA CHARLY!